Michael Reape died at the hospice, having been supported at home by our Community Team. His wife, Liz kindly took the time to tell us about their experiences.
Natalie [who leads our Community Services team], was a lifeline to us. It was like someone threw me a rubber ring.
She came to our house and when you’re in your own environment, you feel more comfortable. You’ll talk about things that you wouldn’t talk about elsewhere. It makes it more intimate and personal; you feel safe asking questions and open more.
When you’re married for donkey’s years, you talk about what song you’d have at your funeral, but it’s 100 years away, it’s a jokey thing, it’s not real. It’s not until you’re on that path and then you don’t talk about it because it’s going to happen, it’s a reality. My husband didn’t do emotion. He could talk to anyone about football with a pint in his hand, but he wouldn’t dream about talking about his feelings.
But when Natalie came, she opened a dialogue, she started those conversations. She asked questions like ‘where do you want to die?’ I’d thought about the same question, but not talked about it.
He could no longer speak so he kept writing notes, saying that I’d done everything for him, and that I’d done enough. And I’d got to the point where I knew I couldn’t nurse him until the end. I cried, Mike cried, we had a cuddle.
Liz“Natalie [who leads our Community Services team], was a lifeline to us. It was like someone threw me a rubber ring."
One night he had a bleed from his tumour and so I called an ambulance. The next morning Lisa from the hospice called and said there was a bed for Michael and that she could book transport. I cried my eyes out with relief. It felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders.
When we got to the hospice, the doctor came to Michael’s room and asked how he was feeling about being there, and what issues he was having. The focus was on feelings, and on him as a person, not on symptoms. It felt so different from a hospital.
Michael told him that ‘It’s good that I’m here, it’s time. Liz couldn’t keep looking after me at home.’
I was still dreading the phone call, but I knew that he was going to be looked after.”
